Life is like a big, fat pit of dark despair and nothing is really fun now even though hanging out with Larxene was fun but now I have classes and finals coming up and this chick in my class asked me if something was wrong today and I nearly bit her head off, 'cause gawd, can't I get a break from weirdos asking about my life when I don't want them to know anything? If I want to talk to you, I will.

And of course, everything wrong happens in Depressoland, and with Yuffie the Depressobot. If I could, I'd lurk around at night and bite young virgins on the neck to make myself less lonely. I'd be a vampire and I'd have an awesome cape, and obviously people would want to be my friend.

And the only co-worker I liked, Sharl, got laid off at work because he got caught looking at porn during his break. It's his break, let him do what he wants, even if it is complete grossness and now I have to eat alone by myself during lunch 'cause those chicks that work at the Parthenon are either all 1) snotty poopheads or 2) the king of girls who like to hang all over sweaty men, and personally I don't like my men sweaty.

I'd tell you how I like my men, but then that'd be a whole 'nother entry, and besides, I doubt anyone cares anyways.


( Private to Yuffie. Possibly hackable for skilled computer geeks. :| )

Larxene, I am totally ready for our bitchin' motorcycle adventure. Definitely not upset over anything, especially lametard boys with enough emo to drown a city. If you even suggest I'm upset, I'm going to bite your hand off or ninja my way into your kitchen and steal your supply of Red Bull and drink it all at the same time so I get really hyped off the caffeine and die an incredibly tragic death.

(This applies to anyone, not just Larxene: watch it, buster!)

But, yeah. Point is, not upset. Don't care one SMIDGE, one IOTA.

There is nobody fun in Twilight City. I've decided this. It's like gawd, do we have anything to do aside from be boring and drink tea and eat crumpets or whatever? It doesn't seem like it. All the girls here wanna do is put on dresses and be pretty and AUGH, I CAN'T STAND IT.

GAWD.

Can't we do something exciting for a change? Light a building on fire? Steal a precious piece of artwork? Learn how to do underwater basket weaving? Something?

Party wasn't that bad. I met this girl who wasn't completely insane and lame and full of utter loserness like most of the other people there. Godo kinda made me talk to her. So I guess the evening wasn't a complete waste. Should've spiked the punch though. Gawd that woulda been funny.

I've just been back to work, which is the tippity-top of sucking out loud. Did you guys know I have singlehandedly depleted my workplace of Red Bull? We've been out for like, a whole entire week, so my hands keep shaking and I nearly chewed this dumb prankcaller's head off today. I think I'm going from caffeine withdrawal.

These Snapples iced teas aren't bad though. You even get a random handy fact.

Here, just to satisfy your curiosity, since I know you are basically exploding with spasms of entertainment and I-want-to-know-ness:

"Lightning reaches 50,000 degrees Fahrenheit, fours times as hot as the sun's surface. Yet, unlike high voltage electrical injuries with which massive internal tissue damage may occur, lightning seldom causes substantial burns."

( Private to Yuffie. )

I am going to kill Godo Kisaragi.

( Private to Yuffie; Hackable )

Gawd, this is why I hate being a Kisaragi. The Old Man gave the weekly call and I put the phone down, made myself a sandwich, came back, and he didn't even notice. Shows how much he cares. All he ever talks about is. . . well, it's not important what he talks about.

Guess I have to take Friday night off, but that means I'm working a double-shift on Thursday. Which sucks the mostest, because I really don't want to do a double-shift this week, but it's that or working on the weekend, which blows just as hard. Not that I have anything to do on the weekend either, unless that nasal, bald guy at the Parthenon asks me out to a drink again.

If he does, I just might say yes. Because there's nothing else to do!!!!! Augh, look I even used multiple exclamation points, when they're already basically an endangered species. Everytime you use an exclamation point, a baby rabbit dies.

Rabbits are cute too, which makes it twice the loss. Look what you've done, Yuffie, look what you've done.

I'm so wracked with guilt.

( Private to Yuffie )

Leon, you free? Let's go watch a movie. I want to watch a movie and gnosh on popcorn. I mean, when's the last time you saw a movie anyways? The Ice Age? It will be a completely new experience, I promise, full of awesome and fun and Yuffie. I might even buy you a drink, because I am in that good of a mood, enough to shell out my meager savings for you. If I were you, I'd be so flattered I might explode with it.

OTHER COOL PEOPLE CAN COME TOO, BECAUSE I MIGHT BE BORED IF IT'S ONLY LEON. (He has the conversational skills of a squid, which is to say he has none.)

Some chick called yesterday saying she was interested in rooming. If she doesn't turn out to be a complete failure, I might consider letting her stay with me, which is the greatest privilige known to men. (She kind of sounded like the girl in one of my classes with the really nasal laugh. Gawd, if it is, I'll die.)

Hmm~. Man, life is looking pretty damn awesome right now.

( Filtered to Baku )

. . . Who's the best assistant stage manager? Yuffie is.

Yuffie > Baku. Law of the Universe, numero uno.

Get it right, people!

Oh, and if you actually go and watch it, I won't love you any more than I already do, unless you're awesome and get me flowers. Or something. Chocolates? Actually, chocolates are better than flowers because you can't really eat flowers, and gawd, I love to eat, unless there's caramel. Caramel is soooooooooo gross.

( Private to Yuffie )

I did not get anything yesterday.

Except for this sort-of smelly card from the guy who comes here too much and always uses the treadmill near the lobby so he can stare through the glass probably at me, though who can blame him.

And anyways, he doesn't count. So I didn't get anything.

I don't CARE. Really.

There are exactly five-hundred-and-seventy-two holes in each ceiling tile at the Parthenon. In case you ever, you know, find yourself trapped in a horrible situation where the Evil Villain of Twilight City! (he'd probably have a lame name like Milkman or Superdude) is holding you hostage over a pot of boiling acid. "HOW MANY HOLES ARE IN EACH CEILING TITLE AT THE PARTHENON? ANSWER CORRECTLY OR DIE!!" and then he'd cackle maniacally while you sweated in fear and from the overwhelming heat from the pot. 'cause it'd be pretty damn hot.

And you will know exactly what to say and avoid death, because of the information the illustriously awesome Yuffie Kisaragi has disclosed to you. Best not to forget that sort of thing.

Also, I have officially decided Red Bull will remain vastly superior to any sort of drink at that random coffee shop by Balamb (noooo, not the Tiki Room!), even if it's loaded with sugar and not that black, straight stuff. (If I was a guy, I'd totally take my coffee black, just like how I'd take my women. But I am not hardcore or badass enough, and so that goes to Leon.)

By the way, thanks for the ride Leon. How was your class on Monday? I bet it was boring after spending the exciting morning with ME. I mean, I know I'd be bored. I'm bored already.

Anyways, I'm working on Valentine's Day. Raise your hand if you think that sucks, but it's not like I have a Valentine anyway. Which is just as good, BECAUSE I AM TOO GOOD FOR ANY OF YOU. REALLY.

Working Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday this week, from five to ten. At least I don't have Monday, 'cause that's when everyone comes all "YES I WILL LOSE TEN POUNDS THIS WEEK" and there's about five-billion sweaty men in the sauna and three-hundred people on a single treadmill and the phone's always ringing like... that's cool or something. I don't see why people need to join a gym to lose weight anyways; can't you just do it out of your own spare time or whatever? Like, for serious, I exercise with dumbbells in my crappy little apartment. And I even get a free gym membership.

The old professor-dude gave me a ride, which gives him about thirty cool points of the Ridiculously-Important Yuffie Scale of R-E-S-P-E-C-T!, inspired by Aretha Franklin and too much Red Bull from doing my paper. Howevr, he also got negative-fourty for doing a production of Sweeney Todd, which can't be all that great since it's about a barber. How scary can a barber get? Even if he goes and chops off your head with his knives, I'd still go kick his ass. Nobody slits my neck.

Tiki Room was okay this time, but I think last month was more fun. I still can't decide if the frozen green tea is better than the white mocha espresso, which is pretty much joy in a drink.

Squally, when are you giving me a ride to school?

[ ( edit; filtered to everyone BUT squall. ) ]

Gawd, I think I'm just going to melt here in my apartment, just a big pile of yucky Yuffie goo. I spent my entire afternoon putting up signs at little coffeeshops looking for a roommate ('cause they got those nifty little bulletin boards where people put up LOST DOG signs and business cards and speed-dating dates, which is kind of sad because what are you doing at a coffee shop to get speed dating dates, go outside and do something productive), and my legs feel like jell-o 'cause I forgot to bring money for the bus and so I had to walk allll the way back and I would've tried to hitch a ride, but there's some really creepy old men in Chinatown at this time of night, if you know what I mean.

You know what I think? I think I need a personal chaffeur. First person who posts here can give me rides for the rest of my life.

Don't fight over the position, okay?

Also, if you reaaaally want, you can even write this paper for me! Woop-de-poopin'-doo.

Player Information:
Name: Iris
Age: 18
Personal Journal: fruitsbaby
AIM: peach girl 089
Email: eclipsico@gmail.com
Time Zone: Pacific

Character Information:
Fandom: Final Fantasy VII
Name: Yuffie Kisaragi
Character Model: Aya Ueto, pictured here.
Age: 18
Current Residence: A small two-bedroom apartment in China Town, currently looking for a room mate. ♥
Occupation: Student at Balamb University, and part-time secretary at THE PARTHENON.

Personality: Yuffie is a spunky, hyperactive teenager who likes to say exactly what's on her mind--which, most of the time, borders on just plain weird. To Yuffie, no subject is too strange to not bring up, and it's in her nature to chatter off to most people as if they'd known each other for ages. It's a trait people either adore or hate with a deep passion, and this one trait seems to define Yuffie the most.

Though selfish and greedy (she's been practicing the five-finger discount since she was a freshman in high school), Yuffie values her her loved ones above anything, including her father, Godo. She would, without a doubt, risk her life to save any one of them; the question is, how many people does Yuffie truly love to that degree? Unfortunately for Yuffie, she's the type to love easily, irregardless of what she tries to do, but her manner of showing it is through hitting, teasing, and stealing items of varying value from her loved ones (usually she'll return it--if she's caught).

As with most teenagers, she showcases a rebellious streak which involves doing exactly what she shouldn't be doing, getting into scrapes more often than not and picking fights with people. She hates being told what to do, being underestimated, and being treated like a girl, nonetheless a teenage girl.

She's cocky and overconfident in her own abilities, whether it's a game of checkers, a test, or an arm-wrestling match. It's very unlikely for Yuffie to concede to someone being better than her, even if they beat her into a pulp. She's just more likely to run her mouth off, and then propose a rematch. Her pride is immensely huge.

In addition to this cocktail of personality traits, Yuffie can be a little too affectionate with people, and she isn't the type to wait for someone to make the first move romance-wise. She has the grace and delicacy of a hippopotamous on land when it comes to the area of tender emotions, and most of the time she tends to get angrier with that person quicker than usual, perhaps a tad more competitive. This is only because she's fighting down her feelings.

Biography: Some people would think coming from a family with a load of money and a good name would be good stuff. The Kisaragi family had been active in the politics of Twilight City, a few family members becoming a part of the city council, mayor, city manager, police chief... All in all, quite the respectable family. The majority of the family was known to be rather controlled, polite, but hopelessly boring and bland, like a piece of toast. They esteemed self-control, honor, and keeping your cool.

Traits, unfortunately, that Yuffie Kisaragi would never inherit. When Godo married his wife Aya one fine spring evening, the family knew that this would be the match to end all matches. Aya was calm, pretty, and exactly the sort of woman who deserved to be married into the Kisaragi family. She was a bit sickly, always had been, but her gentle nature earned the respect of her new family, and she was welcomed quite warmly--until Yuffie was born.

Yuffie was not cool and aloof. Yuffie was not gentle.

Yuffie was loud, boisterous, rough, adventurous, and blatantly ignorant of any and all authority. Any attempts to curb her behavior earned a bite on the hand and Yuffie running away, as fast and slippery as a fish. It seemed the only person who managed to control her was Aya (Godo had never been particularly close with his daughter; he was much too busy with his job), and yet, the family quickly chose Aya to hold the blame for her daughter's behavior. "Why don't you raise her correctly?" they scolded. "You're not a good wife after all."

Aya took the words in stride, smiled, and lovingly raised Yuffie (because she didn't want Yuffie to be empty and cold and soft like her; she wanted Yuffie to have emotions, to love and laugh and live) until the day she died. After that, Yuffie immediately became uncontrollable. She was thirteen, just at the apex of that age when your behavior fully forms, and the Kisaragi family clamped harder on her than ever, trying to straighten her out.

But it was much, much too late.

Yuffie used all opportunities to rebel against them, stealing and causing a general ruckus in every place she was at. When a brief scandal (that didn't even involve her, gawd) brought the Kisaragi family down on the social ladder, Yuffie reminded them she had warned against accepting endorsement from the drug lord, being the seedy child she was, but who ever paid attention to her? And yet, even for all her behavior, Yuffie looked for subversive ways to bring honor back to her family.

After all, none of them had graduated from an esteemed university like Balamb. And suddenly, that became a goal: to be the first super-awesome-educated girl in the family. When she wasn't stealing for kicks, pulling pranks, or working at her part-time job at the Parthenon (she hated answering phone calls, but she did it for the cash), Yuffie was studying her little ass off to become a world-famous person-thing-with-an-awesome-job, shrug off that reputation of accepting illegal bribes, and generally prove to the Kisaragi family she was way better than they gave her credit for.

And then she got into Balamb (majoring in Conservation Biology, because if Yuffie didn't save the seals, who would?), and suddenly, it seemed like the Kisaragi family had a fighting chance for honor again. After all, that's what they had taught her, right?